Something A Little Different! - Random Tarot Reading Jan 20th, 2025 Evening - Jan 21, 2025 Early Morning

It’s a six card draw, with all cards upright. All cards will be listed in order of being drawn. Today we’re using my beautiful Nightmare Before Christmas deck. This is my main deck and my absolute favorite deck of all time. Let’s get into it shall we!

Disclaimer: Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. I'm by no means an expert, but have been doing this for a decade now and I'm experienced. I started my tarot journey in 2014 and been evolving ever since.

There is a lot to unpack, so make yourselves comfy and enjoy a snack while we delve into this reading. I'll provide the "tea" from my guides.

The Draw

V of Potions, III Of Candles, X The Wheel of Fortune, II The High Priestess, XV The Devil, VII The Chariot.

Card at top of deck: VIII of Candles, two cards below it is XIII Death.

Card at bottom of deck: V The Hierophant. Two cards above is XX Judgement.

The Breakdown of Cards Pulled, Analyzing, and Interpreting What Came Through

V of Potions : Means something happened and things didn’t go as planned, or how you hope and feeling glum. You’re piecing together where you went wrong, but fret not you’re bouncing back from it and doing the work to heal from it.. also helping others through your pain in the process. The III of Candles simply implies that things are being illuminated or brought to light, or you’re starting to see things in a whole new perspective and a new path has been revealed for you. And though things may seem bleak right now, that can change even in the most unprecedented of times. This is what’s represented in X The Wheel of Fortune, things can change and tides can turn.. things can turn around with the willingness to work towards that goal in mind and setting the intention, which goes hand and hand with II The High Priestess in checking in with your intuition while trusting your instincts which steers your ship. But remember be patient and that instant gratification isn’t always the most satisfying, so come up with a plan to sustain your success, XV The Devil. With VII the Chariot make sure your intention to achieving your goals are rock solid and nothing holds you back from achieving them, and singular commitment to a goal is key. No time for being doubtful or getting sidetracked, stay focused with determination.

VIII of candles is confirmation that things are changing quickly after being set in motion. You’re focused, setting your intentions, putting in the time, effort, and dedication required to move forward and motivate you. Even in times where it feels mundane, take it and turn it into something delightful; like art, poetry, music, or researching about a new interest.

XIII Death: Means then end of something, closing a chapter, completion. Or finally sealing away past traumas, bad habits, or old ways of thinking and rebirthing to make way for a healthier headspace.

V The Hierophant: Simply signifies you have a trusted person or mentor in your life that has seen you through your ups and downs, failures, successes, and things you’ve overcome. This can be a friend, teacher, parent, etc. They’ve been with you through it all and stuck with you through all the good or bad, they’ve been a person you can talk to about anything and everything; felt like you can lean on and supported you.. believed in you. Even though you may not agree 100% on everything, but still believes in you and probably agree with you on 90% of things. They allow you to make up your own mind and make your own decisions, deciding for yourself on what’s best for you at your own free will and whatever you decide they will support you and back you up 110%.

XX Judgement: Is self explanatory no matter what you do or choose.. make sure you use common sense and good judgment, being sensible and transparent. Being true to yourself. Take time to think things through and consider your actions/choices with care, now isn’t the time to be hasty or just react on irrational impulse. Take time to process thoroughly.. think before you speak, think before you act, think before you do and carry yourself forward with a positive notion and compassion.

End Notes:

For this reading, the energies were intense and kept surging. There was a few times where I had a gut wrenching feeling about something coming and then calm. There were major instances sent a sharp, gradually descending chill down my spine with lightheadedness at times. With that said, there were moments where bursts of positive warmth kept charging through and feeling giddy. I do feel there's a lot of positive and constructive takeaways to be had from this. 

What did you takeaway from this reading and what specifically resonated with you? Let me know you're thoughts, I'd love to hear from you!

Always with love- Becky <3 

To Those That Are New From TT! - Welcome to My Blog

 Hey everybody!

Some of you are now fresh out of the TT app after it went dark and are just now visiting my blog for the very first time. With this said I say, welcome!

Welcome to my humble abode and my humble corner of the internet, I'm so glad that you are here and excited to share what picks my brain with you! This is my blog where I post about poetry, foods for thought, music, lifestyle, hot takes, reviews, and so much more. And sometimes, I share ghost stories, personal experiences, urban exploration adventures, poetry, wisdom, and projects I'm working on.

I know things seem scary and uncertain right now, believe me I feel it too since we're living in such unprecedented times. I absolutely get it. With that I say this, I'm not going anywhere and will still be here. I will be here with you all every step of the way as long as humanly possible. And hopefully keep the hope alive and restore it in the process. I know we can and will persevere. I know we can and will survive. I know we will get through this. Whether it's through sharing hope filled content, lighthearted nonsense, or just uplifting each other. Team work and leaning on your inner circle. There can still be hope! 

It's important that we stick together and work together in addition to showing support, be kind to ourselves and each other. It's important we do this to heal together. This time we find ourselves in got me to thinking about a quote from a television show Power Rangers Mystic Force and realized it fits what we're going through, hopefully it restores hope and uplifts you a bit. 

"Without magic?! You are never without, Mystic Ones! You just have to know where to find it." - Mystic Mother - Power Rangers Mystic Force ; Episode 32 - Mystic Fate II - Jetix/Toon Disney (2006)

The whole scene is worth watching. I know it's a cheesy kids show, but listen to the words and context in which they're used which relate to our situation. 

 I thank all who has supported me on that app for all that time and everyone whose supported me in any way possible. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

I would like to point out I'm also on Flip, Fanbase, Clapper, Patreon, YouTube, Reddit, Twitch, Discord, Blue Sky, and Sound Cloud. Secondly, I will be on Neptune when they launch as well.

With love - Becky 💙

Life Update & What I've Been Up To; What The Future Holds + The Winding Road of Moving Abroad + GoFund Me Campaign Launch - Newsletter November 2024

 Hey everyone, 

It's been a while, hope you're doing well. It's that time again to update you all on what I've been up to and things I'm currently working on, both career wise and in my personal life. I will attempt to fill you in on my plans as much as possible and the best of my ability. There's going to be a lot to unpack and will be explaining in great depth on why I launched a Go Fund Me campaign, with what I'm hoping to achieve with it and goals I'm working towards.

Updates: What's New? Where I've Been & Reflecting On This Year

Where do I begin? Oh where, oh where do I begin?

This year has been absolutely wild, especially with new experiences and self discovery. This comes in addition to new lessons learned and my personal growth journey. This came with new faces, trying new things, and a lot of eye openers. It also lead me to go back to my roots and really open myself up to look deeper, viewing things in a new way. This crazy roller coaster also opened my eyes up to view things in a whole new way and have a fresh perspective, including stripping it all down and going back to the basics of approaching things in a whole completely different way entirely. With tasks, new projects, and exploring new venture was no different. This all meant to me to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone entirely as a whole, which can seem scary and intimidating at first glance. Sometimes you just have to take the daring leap of faith and just go for it. I never back away from a good challenge. I'm not scared of failing, in fact failing helps you learn about yourself. Helps you learn about what's for you, what isn't. It teaches you to be sensible and within your means.

"Even if we lose, it doesn't make you losers, we learn as much from failure as we did from success! " - George Cooper, Big Bang Theory/ Young Sheldon

There were a lot of moments that tested me this year. My kindness, patience, willingness to learn and grow, thought processes.. all of it. The major take away from it is, if you have an idea that you want to come to life and want to succeed.. You must be willing to work hard, put your all into it, and zero in on it. You must be willing to branch out and step out of your comfort zone, even if it seems like murky waters. You need to be dedicated and willing to learn. You have to be open minded and willing to expand, taking any experience that comes your way good or bad and take it as a learning opportunity in addition to how resourceful you can be. Whether that is reaching out to people and asking questions or researching all of your options before you make a set in stone executive plan of action. Overall, have your ducks in a row and don't be afraid to make connections because those connections will mean so much more later on down the road and having knowledge of where to gather resources.

Tarot Readings & Discovering DNA Ties to One of My Best Friends

As you all know, I started doing tarot readings for others September of 2023. Realistically speaking, I've been doing tarot for ten years, but just on myself. Last year, something spiritually clicked in me and internally I said to myself that I could do this to help other people. I've always been in tune with spirituality and the spirit body world. I've been in tune with the paranormal and have always been sensitive to energy shifts, that sort of thing. To be frank, for the whole year I've been giving readings to people I have absolutely enjoyed it and within that time I've help someone unite with their soulmate while also giving them insights about their future and names of children that is in their not so distant future. Which I'll make a separate article about for those that are curious. This person is someone I've known for years and have recently discovered that they're my cousin, when we did some digging and found out we shared a great great grandparent. I know right? Haha, small world!! The world may know her as the one, the only, Cemetery Goth. What started that rabbit hole is her last name sounded familiar and she was talking about discoveries in her ancestry family tree. The universe and something written in the stars that was poking at us both to do a deep dive into this. At one point, she listed off a few names and I was like hey that sounds familiar. I further explained those were people on my grandmother's side of my family, which is my dad's mother. What sealed the deal even more was being showed photos and I remember saying, oh my freaking god.. my dad has some of those exact same photos in a dusty photo album in his footlocker. What made it more damning, is there was a photo of my dad when he was an infant with his uncle standing next to him outside the family home and what did you know.. she also found that exact photo on her family tree. That's in addition to seeing familiar faces of my grandma's cousins and relatives in photos. We were so shocked, mind blown, and thrilled overall. It's no wonder why we clicked in the first place and why we get along so well, that familiar family tie. It's mind boggling to think about and fully wrap your mind around it to fully grasp. I know, I couldn't believe it either, but I'm glad and thoroughly overjoyed. I'm glad we looked into it a bit more. Makes one feel more connected. Just wild. Just absolutely wild to me.

New Projects, Twitch, Discord, and Merch Store In Progress

Recently, I've slowly started to delve back into creating music again and contemplating ideas for new content to make. So maybe some new videos soon, I hope. Been tossing ideas back and forth new ideas for what the new videos could be about. I'm also looking into a better camera setup for vlogs and filming, so been shopping around to find something good. Don't want anything too expensive or overly fancy, just want something to get the job done with decent quality and is easy to operate.

Twitch and Working Out the Bugs

Last weekend, some of you noticed a Twitch livestream notification from me. I've made the decision that I'm going to be doing streams again on Twitch. With that entails testing everything, working out any bugs, or software discrepancies between my computer and internet. Mainly the stream last weekend was a test stream to work out any issues with audio and sound, and check equipment. We made sure everything was updated and had the latest version installed. The main and only issue I've run into now is video playback, buffering, and dropped frames with streamlabs. Either the video is sticking, delayed, freezing, very grainy, or not showing at all. I've adjusted my framerate and playback settings, still no avail. Or my controller becomes laggy when the video playback lags and randomly disconnects itself, both controller and window capture. Which is a bit frustrating as you can imagine. Hopefully, we can get those issues worked out and start streaming again. I've missed streaming and hanging out, chatting with everyone. It gets lonely at times and I reminisce on all the fun times we've had hanging out on Hootfiend's channel on Twitch. We'd laugh, cry, chill, vibe to music for hours at a time. I've thoroughly missed that so much. Hopefully, back up and running soon.

Discord

Additionally with Twitch comes elaborating on the changes regarding my Discord server. Some of you may've noticed major changes to my server and some things rearranged, simplified. It may look more user friendly and easier to navigate. Before I rearranged it, it looked like a chaotic mess and the server channels looked mismatched. Some we're redundant repeats of other channels. I had to take a long, hard look at myself in the mirror and like geez.. How the heck do I expect others to easily navigate my server if I'm confused and having a difficult time navigating it myself? So what I did was a major cleanup. I got rid of channels nobody was using. I combined certain channels of the same nature to be all in one. This eliminated several redundant channels of the same subject topic to one refined channel tab and made things less confusing. I updated the server map to reflect the changes and described each sub channel with description of the channels and what was merged or moved over. I reviewed the server rules and welcome page, had a thorough glance. What I did add was a plugin from the official Fallout 76 game sever from Bethesda Softworks to bring a bit of liveliness to the server and to keep up with what's new with the game, since I know a lot of you play the Fallout games too. I felt that was a worthy addition to bring to the server. I hope you've been enjoying it so far.

Merch Store Collaboration Soon Will Be Launching

In the past two months, Cemetery Goth and I have joined forces. For a long while we've entertained the idea of doing a collaborative project. We weren't quite sure of what we wanted to do, so for a while brainstormed and contemplated on what we could do. Then a couple months back we had our aha moment and decided on doing a joint merchandise store for our channels, and it spawned from fans expressing their desire on how cool it would be to have a t-shirt, mugs, beanies, and stickers with our logos and unique designs on them. We thought, hey that's a great idea! 

For the last couple of months we did endless hours of research, coming up with a business plan, and looking into what we would need. Then did a rough draft on store policies, mission statements, brand story, and promotions on top of a loyalty program. Then followed a rough estimate of starting prices for our merchandise that would be advertised to our customers. We quickly came up with a name to call our store and brand, Cemetery and Bats. We brainstormed on what merchandise we could sell and etching out design concepts on Canva. We then had to find the best service to host our digital storefront and plan options, as well as securing a permanent domain and looking into checkout host options for customers who visit our storefront. 

As of right now, we're looking into suppliers to help manufacture our products and estimates of supply costs. We're equally looking into equipment and supplies to make our products ourselves, and how to effectively and efficiently produce supply without bankrupting ourselves in the process. Which we're teetering around the idea of crowdsourcing the startup funds needed to get started. Meanwhile, we're coming up with additional designs for sticker pack bundles and buttons. We're also starting the process of getting graphic poster art prints made and business cards. Both of us agreed that once we're more steady and have found our footing further along, we'll introduce more things and promotional items, with also collaborating with others by introducing an affiliate program and helping small alternative businesses grow. To say we're excited, that's a major understatement. Cemetery and I, we're both over the moon and thrilled for this to take flight.

What I'm Up To Now + A Change of Scenery + A Fresh Start + Planning to Move Abroad

You're probably wondering why the title mentions moving abroad and GoFund Me. Well, I'll try to simplify it in the best way I can. Ever since I was little, I always dreamt about living in another country and moving abroad. It's been not only a lifelong dream, but also a lifelong goal of mine. Always wanted to move to either Canada or the UK/UK Commonwealth nations. Became even more of a goal to relocate in hopes of better job and career advancement opportunities that I can't find here in the sleepy Ozark Mountains. I feel I'd have a better chance of succeeding outside of the USA and having a fairer chance of obtaining what I need/want to do. And this is in hopes of better and safer living conditions for myself and my cats, especially as of late with all of the chaos happening since the start of this month and it increasing the fear for my safety. The only problem is having the funds to leave the USA and comfortably move, start a new life elsewhere. Currently, I only do gig work with delivering groceries for Walmart and that doesn't always pay the best. Recently, haven't been able to do much of that since the app has been down a lot more that it has working and being online. I'm without work currently and my last job was working retail at Guitar Center, and I got absolutely overwhelmed pretty quickly. That with my severe anxiety were fighting each other and didn't mix well, so I dropped out of that which is why I started delivering groceries for people. It's more slow paced and you get to pick the hours, but as said the app has been down a lot and is starting to become unfeasible. And recently I've felt that I'm so much more than that and don't want to be stuck doing that for the rest of my time on Earth. I've had no luck with job searching and some won't even take the time to give me a chance. At this point, I'm leaning more towards Canada around the Manitoba sector.

But, what about your Patreon? I've not made any money off of it in a couple years now. Whenever I had my major fallout with that ex band mate, I found myself in an utterly profound bout of burnout and depression. I fully seized up with anxiety paralysis and it completely brought creating to a sudden screeching halt. I didn't create anything new for nearly a year and a half, only would go back to being creative in small bursts and it was right back to burnout. Within that time, my supporter on Patreon dwindled and I can't say I blame them from backing down supporting someone who started creating and goes to scarcely creating or uploading either. Which I have no hard feelings on. I completely understand. It is what it is. I was constantly tired and exhausted all of time, and within that time I faced challenges with my health. I was constantly sick a lot, like back to back. And within that time, two of my childhood cats Smoky and Homer crossed the rainbow bridge which I was understandably not myself for a long while. It took a long time before I started to feel like myself again, but to be frank I struggled quite a bit and especially since I had a lot going on in my personal life with cutting ties with people who were toxic or would constantly bring me down. I had to distance myself from anything negative that didn't benefit my highest good and ditch unhealthy, self destructive habits. I took time to really dig deep and soul search, which taught me the importance of having healthy boundaries and not letting anyone have the chance to disrespect me or walk all over me. It taught me about self respect and what I will or won't put up with. Taught me what I will or won't deal with. What I allow in my circle and what I won't allow in my circle. It taught me a lot about myself and what I can or cannot tolerate. It really opened my eyes significantly. Which all of this also contributed to not being able to find substantial or steady employment.

This is where my donation campaign comes in. It'll not only help me cover passport costs, but also moving costs. It'll help me get a work visa and residence permit. It'll help me get started on Canada's Express Entry program. It will also help me find a single family home to live in and my belongings transported, moved it. It will also help with cost of utilities being setup and turned on. It's going to help with getting my cats up to date with their vaccines and get their pet passports, and transported as well as other expenses including getting myself there.

I'm hoping to move and have enough funds to comfortably settle, maybe get permitted to work at a record shop or video game shop since that's right up my ally. I might actually have a better chance at finding other musicians to start a new band and put out music again. I may have a better chance a finding love. Just full on better opportunities in general and overall, somewhere I don't have to constantly look over my shoulder. For obvious reasons I can't actually put that in the campaign description, because it'll get taken down for that reason and others that have put that little information bit they've had theirs taken down due to censorship stemming from recent events. It's time for new scenery and a new start. It's time to break old cycles and generational curses. It's time for ditching the old and starting new, new beginnings.

If you want to donate and are able to contribute, I'll include the donation campaign link at the bottom of this page. IF you can't donate, no worries! If you want to help and can't donate right now, you can still contribute by sharing the campaign link. Every bit counts and will help me out a great deal, which will go toward a happier and safer life. 

So far, I've filled out the passport application online with their auto filling feature and got it printed out. I've not signed it yet, because you're supposed to wait until you are at your passport appointment. I've got a rough calculation of fees, which will be $276.36 total. The first bit will be for the US Department of State via check or money order which totals to $241.36. Then the $35.00 acceptance facility fee which can be paid cash, card, check. I'm currently saving up for that. I still have to get my passport photo done and photocopy all of my important documents. 

Once I get my passport, I'll need to apply for a visa to Canada and go from there. At that point, the rest will follow suit. I'd also like to point out, I'm actively looking for hosts and sponsors to potentially make the transition a lot easier. This is for serious takers only!!

GO FUND ME CAMPAIGN

Moving Forward

Honestly, I'm excited and nervous. I'm also scared, but hopeful. This will be my first time moving and living outside of USA. This is the first time I'm moving out of my home state of Missouri and moving quite a long ways from home, and where I grew up. This is a big and scary, but exciting step for me. I don't know what to expect, but I'm open to be humbled every chance I get with each new experience. I dread leaving everything I know behind, but I know it's for the best and for my own good. It'll be a good challenge nevertheless and will be a push to see how resourceful I can be. 

Final Notes

Who knows what'll happen and where this goes? Whatever the case it ends up being, I hope things will end up okay. I will try to be transparent and keep in touch, update when I can. A busy time is ahead of me.

Thank you for staying with me all this time, I appreciate all of the love and support over the years! 

-Love,

Becky <3 

Haunts and Encounters of the Paranormal - My Very Early Experiences

    There are things in this world that cannot be explained. When things go bump in the night, or that shadowy disembodied figure that follows you upstairs after turning off the lights downstairs at night. That random voice you heard to the mysterious footsteps walking above you. Today, I'm here to talk about the paranormal. Ghosts, spirits, out of body experiences, poltergeists, and communicating with the great beyond. In this series, we'll dive right in to my experiences and interactive encounters. This series isn't for the faint of heart, so if you're spooked easily this might not be the series for you. For those that are brave, find nice shadowy spot to stand in or read on a dark and stormy night. Though some may be skeptical, I ensure these experiences are real and not made up. These are my true, genuine experiences. Some are friendly and lighthearted, some are outright scary. 

    Growing up, I have always believed in the paranormal and more specifically ghosts. Throughout my childhood, I've had many utterly frightening experiences with the paranormal and with a specific type of entity known as a poltergeist. My childhood home was tucked into a small, quiet neighborhood not too far from the Bass Pro Shops which was up the road and the Kmart which was a couple streets north behind our home. Probably some of my earliest experiences with ghosts and poltergeists happened within those walls. One instance in particular stands out... 

    I believe that I was 3 or 4 years old at the time. My mom and dad were at work, they worked for the university's alumni center as building maintenance staff.  I was home with my older sister (11 at the time) and my grandma who was watching us that evening. They were both watching television in the living room. watching King of the Hill. Grandma was sitting in the recliner with her evening cup of coffee, my sister was sitting on the floor in front of the TV. I was sitting behind her in my little red rocking chair. I remember getting up because I needed to use the bathroom which was the first door on the left as you go down the hallway. As I was going towards the hallway, I saw like something dark and shadowy blocking out the view of the back two bedrooms, to the right was my parents room and to the left was the spare bedroom. At first I thought it was a trick of the light or that my eyes were tricking me. Then I looked again and got a real good look this time, and my eyes weren't deceiving me. There was a dark, shadowy mass hovering at the end of the hallway. Then it shaped into a humanoid like shape, still a solid black shadow.. Then I started backing away and said, "What is that?" And before anyone had a chance to ask me what I meant, this thing lunges out and knocked me backwards. Then once flat on my back it attacked again, grabbing me by the right leg and dragged me down the hallway. I was screaming in terror. My sister got up and hurriedly tried to grab me by the arm, tried to yank me free of this shadow monster. It wouldn't let me go until my grandma got up and turned on the hallway light. Then it let me go and I dropped to the floor. THUNK! I ran back to the living room and I was trembling for the remainder of that evening. 

    For weeks after that incident, I had trouble sleeping and had nightmares. Then the experiences with the shadow monster happened more often and frequent. The poltergeist got more violent and aggressive. We'd find the kitchen a mess in the morning, chairs stacked on top of each other. The silverware drawer wide open with the drawer itself haphazardly hanging out, dangling on its tract. We'd hear footsteps, someone trying the doorknobs in the hallway. Doors randomly opening and slamming shut. Two weeks to the day, me and my sister (we shared a room) we heard something trying our doorknob in the middle of the night.. Nobody was up, and when we opened the door to see nobody there. Then we were fixing to close the door again and my sister says, " I heard something in the kitchen. I'm going to see what it is." I said, " Ok, but I come with." We quietly sneak down the hallway and past the living room to peer into the kitchen. To our surprise nobody was there, but to our horror we look up to see the knife drawer open and a kitchen knife free floating in the air. Caused by nothing. Held by nothing. Suspending from nothing. 

    Whatever invisible thing that was holding the knife, noticed us and did a startled jolt. Then it pointed the tip of the blade at us, my sister grabbed ahold of me and we legged it back to our room. To our extended horror, it followed us. Luckily, we got inside our room and closed the door in enough time. It was rattling and banging on the door to open, so my sister gets the bright idea to barricade the door shut. And just as we did that, we heard one more loud bang and then it stabbed at the door. It tried to jab us through the door. This racket woke up my parents, who opened up their door to investigate the ruckus to see a knife deeply embedded in the hallway side of our door at 5ft 7in. Little did we know a second knife followed the first and it was hovering, waiting in the living room. The minute my parents asked what the hell is going on, they saw it hurdling for them. They slammed their door quickly, which deflected it. They both said, " Wait right there, girls! We'll come rescue ya!" We waited for 30 minutes for the poltergeist rampage to die down. Then one of my parents leaps out of their bedroom and quickly flicks on the lights, eventually they came out in a pair. They knocked on our door, " It's okay, girls. It's safe now." We slept with all of the lights on in the house for a while afterwards. We had home cleansings, did everything experts suggest to rid your home of these unwelcome entities, but no avail. We eventually ended up moving out of this house a few months later. And of course we did what a paranormal expert suggested on breaking any poltergeist attachment. This seemed to have worked, because whatever it was with that house didn't follow us. 

    Can you imagine how terrifying this must've been for a really young child?  This still terrifies me to this day that I experienced and survived an encounter like this. Usually, poltergeists target children as they are the most vulnerable. Sometimes they get invited in by a child because the poltergeist themselves disguise as a child. Children if they're really young, haven't developed senses to distinguish what is a real living person, a ghost, or in this a poltergeist. And without knowing any better, they'll invite it in because they think it's just another kid. However, this wasn't the case for me. It never cloaked itself as a child or any other anything. It wasn't even trying to disguise itself or its true form. It directly targeted me and sought me out in its little rampages. I always wondered why I was its desired target. I wasn't an easy target and did nothing to attract it, maybe was angry that I ignored and deflected earlier signs of trying to get my attention. If any earlier attempts were made I wouldn't have known, nor was I paying attention and I wouldn't have remembered. I was a tiny tot and I had a short memory. 

    That was some of my earliest and most terrifying paranormal experiences. I know it's been many moons ago, but it still plagues my mind from time to time. I look back on it and I'm like geese that was scary. It may have been that long ago, but is still scary all these years later. Something like that never leaves you. It doesn't just tingles the spine. It doesn't just chill the spine, nor does it just send goosebumps through the spine.. no, it sends it through the whole body and shakes you to the core, nearly paralyzing your words and freezes you in your very steps. Shakes you so bad that you try to avert any conversation about it. That particular instance was traumatizing for me since it happened when I was such a young age. I rarely speak about it and it's very rare that I feel okay to share it with anyone. It's not from fear of people not believing me or taking me seriously, nor do I fear people laughing at me and poking fun. It's just the fact that anytime I retell this story, I relive it over again in my mind. Eek! So anyway...

What do you make of it? Tell me your thoughts. And if you've had any encounter with the paranormal like this or have ghostly experiences, feel free to share them if you're comfortable.

Snack Review!! McCormick Grill Mates Roasted Garlic and Herb Flavored Herr's Popcorn - Coven Pantry Food Review Series!

 Hello friends! I know this is a long time coming, but I finally have something new to share with you all. I apologize that it's been so long, but self love had to come first. I appreciate all of you who have stuck around and your patience with me. That said, it's time for a snack review and debut the Coven Pantry Series! This is a brand new series that focuses on food! Specifically, I try snacks/drinks and review them for you. (aka. give you my honest, unbiased two-cents) I will always be honest and genuine with my opinion. These are not sponsored and all opinions expressed are my own. I plan for this to be interactive and a way to connect with all of you. Let me know if you tried this snack or of snacks you'd like to see me try and make a review of. Most of you know my first love language is music and art, but what some of you may not know that food and cooking is my other love language. I think quite a few of you can relate. So without further do, let's try!

I kept seeing this and like man, I need to try this. I kept putting it off and getting distracted, so I finally ended up grabbing a bag of these to try and review for you guys. Herr's is a popular brand of snacks, based out of Nottingham, PA. They make popcorn, chips, cheese puffs, etc. It’s like lays, but better and you get your money’s worth. You can commonly find them at Five Below, Walmart, Dollar Tree, and the odd local grocery store like Kroger or Publix. And you get more product than air. And of course, McCormick is a popular brand of seasoning mixes, spice blends, soup and chili mix, gravy mix, cans of black pepper. Well, Grill Mates is their line of seasonings for whenever you cook meat on a barbecue grill or steak in general. You put some on there before and after cooking, it gives it a nice flavor boost. I’ve seen people use it on grilled corn and vegetables, kebabs. I guess these two companies collaborated to combine the delicious taste of popcorn and grill mates. If it works on grilled corn, why not popcorn? It tastes exactly as it sounds. Exactly the way you think. It’s not bad, actually. A little saltier than I’m used to, but it grew on me. Has nice flavor and texture to it, and the combination worked nicely. The popcorn has a nice buttery flavor and the classic air popped crunch. It’s almost melt in your mouth.

Would I buy it again?: Yes!

Would I go crazy for it: Maybe, leaning yes.

Would it be my first choice: No, but it would be a close second.

My rating: 8.7/10

Would I recommend anyone to give it a try?: Yes, absolutely! Yolo!

Let me know if you would try this or if you have already tried this, and what you thought of it! Also let me know of other snacks and drinks you would like me to try!

Thank you for reading and stopping by! - Love Becky 💓

Shedding Light On Recent Events - My Statement

Becky Gamble

CEO of Shadow Specter Records

Lead Guitarist / Main Front man / Founding Member

SchwarzBat19 Art & Music Founder

My dearest fans,

    You might’ve noticed some changes being made and an ugly scenario which unfolded within the recent weeks regarding a former band mate, music partner. Allow me to elaborate on what’s going on and what is currently being done. I will also discuss my future course of action in regard to the current situation. As some of you may know, Catherine (ex-singer) and I parted ways back in January. We kind of had a band, but not really. It was a collective decision to terminate her, meaning she was fired. There were a number of things that contributed to the decision of letting her go and ultimately burning that bridge altogether. I’ve not talked to her since January 3rd of this year and for good reason, and I prefer not to.

    Firstly, we met about four years ago and I was still trying to find my footing in the music world. I was young and vulnerable at the time, going through a rough patch. I didn’t seek her, but she sought me out for some odd reason. We got to talking and eventually shared our love of music. At the time, I thought that a beautiful friendship formed and I finally had people to get my band started. However, this was further from the truth. Things were going fine for the first few months of working together, then it started going downhill from there. I noticed sketchy behavior and brushed it off, thought nothing of it. Then came the love bombing, controlling, constantly lying, gas lighting, manipulating, etc. I couldn’t have my own opinion, if I did I was wrong and belittled for it or I would be ghosted until I caved in and had a different opinion. It was all about her, when she preaches “teamwork”. If I had to take a break from social media, I had to get her permission to leave or come back. I would be constantly made to feel bad and be ridiculed for liking things that she didn’t, whether it be bands or food I liked. If she didn’t like it, I shouldn’t like it either and would force her opinions on me. She’d ring my phone on messenger constantly all hours of the day and night, burn up my data. If I didn’t answer, she’d go on a little tirade on how I wasn’t there for her and constant badgering. Whenever, I’d answer she would make me feel guilty for not and wouldn’t talk about anything important. And there’s many times, I was eating and she’d badger me into chatting with her. I’d clearly tell her I was eating and she’d purposely gross me out of eating. Every so often, she’d badger me into chatting on messenger video call and would purposely unsolicitedly flash herself at me. I didn’t consent to that and if I wanted to consent I couldn’t have, because I was a minor at the time this started happening. It still happened even after I came past the age of legal consent, up until I excommunicated her earlier in the year.

    I also had to have permission to be with friends that I knew in real life for years and needed to have permission to date, or she wanted to know who I’m talking to and who I’m with. Not because she cared, because if I had a life outside of her, she’d lose control of me. I had to have permission to date or talk about anyone I liked, but here she is talking about all the guys she’s flirted with behind her boyfriend’s back for ten years. Then tell me don’t tell Tom and that it isn’t cheating. I should’ve told Tom and it is cheating. The only things I dislike worse than controlling and manipulative liars, is those who cheat on someone that was with them for a long time and has been loyal to them all of this time. I was constantly sexually harassed and was groomed into walking on eggshells. It’s like she thinks she owned me and I was her property. Same with my animals. She’d pester me into showing her my pets so she could take pictures of them, then post them on her profiles and would claim that my animals were hers. Good ole’ picture theft and being a genuine creep.

    With my art page she manipulated her way into becoming an admin, then tried to delete it whenever she had her panties in a wad out of jealousy over having more followers than her. She doesn’t like anyone succeeding her and wants everyone on her level, purposely sabotaging others to fail and laugh at their dismay. She thought I wouldn’t notice, but jokes on her I got the notification and reversed it before it was lost for good. Afterwards, I revoked her admin permissions and removed her from that page, like any sensible person would. Then I got, “ why did you do that? I didn’t mean it.”

    Whenever it came down to music, creation never happened. I’d encourage her to help me get started. It was always, “ Oh, later..” , but later never came and when we were on messenger, she’d flub off and talk about non-music related topics, to complain. I wrote and contributed the majority of the lyrics, and she’s posting them all over her social media without my knowledge or consent; nor is she crediting me. It was being infringed in a way where she was taking credit for the work that she didn’t do or help with. Someone else did all the work and she took all the credit, but didn’t give any credit to any or all of the contributors like a respectable and responsible music artist should. Which exhibits plagiarism, a prime example. She only contributed a small set or two of partial lyrics, and one full which I helped her revise and edit. I helped rework them, but you’re supposed to credit those that help you edit or revise. Didn’t do that either. She was confronted many times, but I was brushed of and ignored or given a wink and nod.

    All of this really started to affect my mental health and it got so bad to the point where it negatively impacted my physical health. I was tired and withdrawn all the time. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and I actively avoided social media, because if I posted and did anything on my own accord without her permission I was hounded over it. I kept quiet and wouldn’t communicate with anyone, because I was so badly drained from it all and it made what I loved the most, music, not fun anymore for a while. She made it to where I couldn’t enjoy things, the things I loved became so unbearable and unenjoyable. I was miserable. I wasn’t happy and it felt like I was in hell while still living. It was like walking on eggshells. I don’t wish that on anybody or anything. Two days prior, we chatted all day about nothing in particular and she wouldn’t let me get off the phone. Literally got disgusted when I said that I needed to go, I had people waiting for me and it would be rude to keep them waiting any longer. It was like how dare I have a life and friends outside of her. I got the cold shoulder for that and when I finally was able to get through, she boasted about taking credit for my work and my lyrics would be thrown out or would control everything. And she’d brag that it was her band, when it wasn’t. It was my band to begin with and she was a guest in the band, then was supposed to be our band. But no, it was my band that I started and she was trying to dictate what I can or can’t do. And she was running around, telling everyone that she was the front woman and the founder when that’s false.

    I am the founder and I started my music journey a long time ago. It was only until recent years that I became gung-ho about recruiting people for it. Shortly before that it was a solo music project that I embarked on with the intention of making music I loved and the kind I would have wanted to listen to. I don’t care if a single track or album sells, I just want to share the art I have made with others. And who knows? Someone, somewhere might discover something new to love. That’s the other thing, she’s in the music business for the wrong reasons and it’s just in it for the money. If she was truly serious about making and sharing music, she wouldn’t have wasted my time with nonsense, false hope and promises, and would’ve gone right into working on it with me. She didn’t want to do that. The reason why I didn’t was exactly what happened here. Furthermore, our ideas clashed for how we would sound and our style preferences and influences. My music genre style clashed with hers, and is pretty much it. My influences are all types of metal, darkwave, bat cave, electronic, grunge, new age, nu-metal, post punk, rock, etc. Hers is more on the whiny emo spectrum. It just clashed so badly, which wasn’t going to work. It was a toxic, unhealthy work and creation environment.

    I had gotten so tired of the abuse and the toxic, negativity that I decided it was time to walk away and part ways. I came to realize that wasn’t healthy to be in that situation and I did every means necessary to get out of it. I slowly removed access little by little at a time by cutting communication means with them, I slowly reduced contact. I started blocking accounts one at a time, so it wouldn’t be so sudden and be at a gradual pace. The day I ended all communication with her once and for all, I was very tired and drained. Three days of badgering, I thought I could use a break. I figured I said “hey, I’m going to take a break from Facebook for a bit and don’t know when I’d be back,” and it would be fine. Nope. Because, she decided to pick a fight by telling me that when I come back to Facebook I need to talk to her and get her permission before I post anything. “ Message me when you’re ready to come back” And I had to post what I wanted to say in my posts in our group chat so she could filter out what she wanted me to say, and wanted to check to see if I’m not stepping out of line against her. I clearly and bluntly said that I cannot guarantee anything on when or if I message anyone when I come back. I may forget to, because after a long time away I forget to message people. It always happens without fail and I can’t really help that. She didn’t like that and went on fifteen minute texting, blowing up my phone tirade tantrum because she didn’t like my honesty and she wasn’t having her way. I informed her that I don’t need her permission to come back or have to message anyone when I come back. I don’t have to, that’s not a requirement. It’s not in Facebooks policy. And I called her out on it. She tried to guilt me and said that she never said that. She’s right there, but she didn’t have to say it. It says it in a roundabout way, without actually saying it. That went with an “ Oh whatever, bye” from her then left the group chat. She usually does this whenever she doesn’t like what you have to say, have a different opinion, or gets called out. Sometimes she’d do that without warning, just to make others feel guilt for speaking for themselves. It then went to a “ no, don’t block me. I’ll change.” “ I won’t do it again, I swear.” If you say you won’t do it again, then why do you keep repeating the offense? Clearly, you’re not sorry and just using “sorry” as a ticket to keep me trapped in the vicious cycle of abuse longer. Her apologies meant nothing after the same controlling behavior over and over again.

    I gave her chance after chance to change and grow up, or as the youngsters say, “ check yourself, before you wreck yourself.`` Still hadn’t changed and the behavior persisted. I gave her plenty of chances to correct her behavior, but still it was my fault she didn’t. The “ you made me do it routine” and “ that didn’t happen, you’re imaging” or better yet “you’re the crazy one not me.” She’d create false scenarios and twist the facts so she could turn them against me and further isolate me all for herself. I concluded that people like her never change and I didn’t need people like that in my life, before that I started cutting ties with toxic relationships and self-destructive habits . If it doesn’t bring me happiness, let it go. If they’re toxic, constantly negative, and trying to drag you down with them, let them go. I decided to keep positive people in my life, who encourage me to go forth with my dreams and to be my best self.

    I cared enough about her to let her go, because I figured she has a lot of growing up to do and go her own way. I cared enough to be the bigger person and walk away. I rather venture it alone and be happy, than have toxic people weighing me down and being unhappy. It was the first time in a long time that I put myself first for once, because I usually take care of everyone else’s needs before my own. I’d literally give the shirt off my back for someone if it meant it would help them somehow, someway. I have to be selfish once in a while, so I can take care of my needs and I can be healthy. I blocked her after the dozenth time of declining her calls. I was at my limit of how much shit I could put up up and I had enough, and I finally put my foot down to say no. It signified independence and no, I will not let you or anyone treat me that way. You have no right to treat me like that and that has no room in my life. I simply don’t have time for it. I blocked her and thought that was it. I blocked her email addresses, phone number, and on every social media platform including YouTube.

    I figured that going no contact would be for the best, so far it has been for the best and I have been a lot less stressed since. I thought that was the end of it. Boy, was I wrong and that period of serenity screeched to a halt. She made whiny emo lyrics to slander and bitch about me, and pin it all on me. She twisted the facts like she always does. Several people reported it and Facebook took it down. Then she made a new set of accounts to avoid the zuck jail to purposely lurk, stalk, and harass. She’s done this to other people as well, so I’m not the only person she’s done this to. Then it went quiet for months and suddenly out of the blue I got an email notification on twitch. Usually whenever someone follows you there you get an email notification in addition to push notifications. I had already blocked her original account in January, but she made a new account and tried to follow me there. I believe her intention was to stalk and sabotage, or try to message me as if nothing happened and weasel me back into her grip. She assumed that I was stupid and wouldn’t notice, or would’ve forgotten about it. Fortunately, I don’t forget that easily about things like that. I don’t forget who was toxic and abusive toward me, just like I don’t forget who was kind to me. I ended that quickly. I sent her a message calling her out and to leave me alone. I also informed her that if the harassment didn’t stop, I would take legal action with a cease and desist declaration followed by a protection order.

    Two days later, someone I knew brought it to my attention that they were slandering me on Twitter because of that. They were mocking the situation and making me out to be the bad guy, because they’re just trying to get a pity party smear campaign against me since she had no access to me anymore and I called her out on her bullshit. She can no longer hurt me or control me, and that bothers her. She’s playing victim, claiming that she’s innocent when I have screenshots that say otherwise. I saved them and archived all of the conversations, just in case. And thinks I’m joking about taking legal action. Then she’s making instigating and hypocritical story posts on Instagram and tiktok, claiming that she cares about mental health and hates toxic people, blah, blah, blah.  And turns out she’s been trying to smear me all this time. She’d make a shitty post, then delete it and think that nobody saw it.

    That whole seven months, I never said anything about nor did I bring her up. I resumed my life and did my own thing. She’s not my top priority or the first thing on my mind, because there’s more important things in life. I never wished ill. But the fact that she’s wishing me ill and bashing me on a tirade, shows a lot about her character. I’m a big believer in actions speaking louder than words. That’s something I’ve always stood by and always will. Don’t just say you’re a good and trustworthy person, show me. I live in the show me state. Show me. As for what she says, none of it’s credible and unfounded on nothing, but petty drama and attention seeking on her end. She’s all talk, so just let her blow. Let her say what she wants, I just don’t care anymore, but the personal attacks stop here. Let her think what she wants. She thinks she has the upper hand or has one over me, but she doesn’t. I owe her nothing. I don’t have to explain myself or have to say sorry for leaving, nor how I feel. I’m not gonna change my mind or how I think. For those reasons, I fired and cut ties with her.

    I don’t advise confronting her, that’ll just make things worse. Please don’t attack her, I don’t condone it. Please keep it civil. At this point, I advise my fans that if she says or does something shitty, report it. That goes for anyone on the web, not just them. If you see something, say something by reporting it. The quicker you do that, the quicker they get held accountable and the platform's response time will be better. I don’t need to see it, as it’s humiliating and upsetting every time I see it. And if you don’t know if something is true, ask me. I’d be happy to answer your questions, if you have any. I have nothing to hide and will tell you like it is. If you’re not sure, ask.

    I also ask fans that if you see something that sounds or looks like my writing; screenshot it, report it to the respective platform that you saw it on and bring it to my attention immediately. That also goes for if you see anything suspicious on my pages, because sometimes it’s impossible to catch everything. If you see something, say something. A few weeks ago I had to re-secure my Facebook account because someone tried to hack me. I was lucky to catch it in enough time and took care of it quickly before any damage was done. So if something doesn’t look right, please do not wait or hesitate to get in touch. I will try my absolute best to respond in a timely manner.

    Yes, I am aware of what’s going on and I’m trying to work on a peaceful resolution while maintaining no contact with them. Yes, it’s being dealt with and addressed. No, I don't associate with her. We don't claim her. What I’m doing now is researching legal advice to send a certified cease and desist letter, that will have to be signed for by the recipient. Hopefully, that’ll put a stop to the slander, stalking, and harassment. If it doesn’t help and it still persists, then I will look into talking with a lawyer to work out a restraining order and will file formal charges. I don’t want to have to be the bad guy and do that, but if that’s what it takes to make them stop, well so be it. I don’t want to have to resort to that, so hopefully the cease and desist letter will do justice. Gotta do what I Gotta do to protect myself and my sanity. Also, I’m researching ways to further protect my lyrics and my art so nobody steals it, claims that it’s theirs. That way if my work is used without my consent, my art and lyrics are protected then copyright laws will have it taken down. If she tries to claim my work, she won’t be able to.

    To put minds at ease, I’m doing okay and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve had a chance to breathe and think, and be mindful of my well-being. Yes, I’m still going to make art and music. Yes, I’m going to do streams again, probably not right away because I’m trying to find a good webcam and get green screen material. And to be honest, I’m still a total noob at the whole streaming thing. Hopefully, I can work something out soon. I would like to thank all of you for being so kind and supportive, being absolutely wonderful people. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have imagined that I’d have such amazing fans that have my back. I’m happy to call you my friends. You guys stuck with me through thick and thin, even though you didn’t have to. I’m utterly grateful beyond words can express, I couldn’t have asked for better people in my inner circle standing with me. I see you everyday being awesome and I love all of you for it. Thank you for bearing with me and sticking around all this time. Hopefully the next update is more cheerful and I have happier things to talk about. Until then…stay spooky!

With love,

Becky aka BeckyBat19 and SchwarzBat19

Goth Reviews - Dr Pepper Cream Soda & Comparison

Brand new video is available on my YouTube channel! I figured that I’d do some reviews of food and drinks in the meantime. Keep an eye out for an upcoming tag video that will be arriving shortly!
Click the link below and enjoy! Let me know if you want me to do more reviews and of anything you’d like me to try!
https://youtu.be/6nNZmxOlYOk

Take care! 

-Love, Becky