CEO of Shadow Specter Records
Lead Guitarist / Main Front man / Founding Member
SchwarzBat19 Art & Music Founder
My dearest fans,
You might’ve noticed some changes being made and an ugly scenario which unfolded within the recent weeks regarding a former band mate, music partner. Allow me to elaborate on what’s going on and what is currently being done. I will also discuss my future course of action in regard to the current situation. As some of you may know, Catherine (ex-singer) and I parted ways back in January. We kind of had a band, but not really. It was a collective decision to terminate her, meaning she was fired. There were a number of things that contributed to the decision of letting her go and ultimately burning that bridge altogether. I’ve not talked to her since January 3rd of this year and for good reason, and I prefer not to.
Firstly, we met about four years ago and I was still trying to find my footing in the music world. I was young and vulnerable at the time, going through a rough patch. I didn’t seek her, but she sought me out for some odd reason. We got to talking and eventually shared our love of music. At the time, I thought that a beautiful friendship formed and I finally had people to get my band started. However, this was further from the truth. Things were going fine for the first few months of working together, then it started going downhill from there. I noticed sketchy behavior and brushed it off, thought nothing of it. Then came the love bombing, controlling, constantly lying, gas lighting, manipulating, etc. I couldn’t have my own opinion, if I did I was wrong and belittled for it or I would be ghosted until I caved in and had a different opinion. It was all about her, when she preaches “teamwork”. If I had to take a break from social media, I had to get her permission to leave or come back. I would be constantly made to feel bad and be ridiculed for liking things that she didn’t, whether it be bands or food I liked. If she didn’t like it, I shouldn’t like it either and would force her opinions on me. She’d ring my phone on messenger constantly all hours of the day and night, burn up my data. If I didn’t answer, she’d go on a little tirade on how I wasn’t there for her and constant badgering. Whenever, I’d answer she would make me feel guilty for not and wouldn’t talk about anything important. And there’s many times, I was eating and she’d badger me into chatting with her. I’d clearly tell her I was eating and she’d purposely gross me out of eating. Every so often, she’d badger me into chatting on messenger video call and would purposely unsolicitedly flash herself at me. I didn’t consent to that and if I wanted to consent I couldn’t have, because I was a minor at the time this started happening. It still happened even after I came past the age of legal consent, up until I excommunicated her earlier in the year.
I also had to have permission to be with friends that I knew in real life for years and needed to have permission to date, or she wanted to know who I’m talking to and who I’m with. Not because she cared, because if I had a life outside of her, she’d lose control of me. I had to have permission to date or talk about anyone I liked, but here she is talking about all the guys she’s flirted with behind her boyfriend’s back for ten years. Then tell me don’t tell Tom and that it isn’t cheating. I should’ve told Tom and it is cheating. The only things I dislike worse than controlling and manipulative liars, is those who cheat on someone that was with them for a long time and has been loyal to them all of this time. I was constantly sexually harassed and was groomed into walking on eggshells. It’s like she thinks she owned me and I was her property. Same with my animals. She’d pester me into showing her my pets so she could take pictures of them, then post them on her profiles and would claim that my animals were hers. Good ole’ picture theft and being a genuine creep.
With my art page she manipulated her way into becoming an admin, then tried to delete it whenever she had her panties in a wad out of jealousy over having more followers than her. She doesn’t like anyone succeeding her and wants everyone on her level, purposely sabotaging others to fail and laugh at their dismay. She thought I wouldn’t notice, but jokes on her I got the notification and reversed it before it was lost for good. Afterwards, I revoked her admin permissions and removed her from that page, like any sensible person would. Then I got, “ why did you do that? I didn’t mean it.”
Whenever it came down to music, creation never happened. I’d encourage her to help me get started. It was always, “ Oh, later..” , but later never came and when we were on messenger, she’d flub off and talk about non-music related topics, to complain. I wrote and contributed the majority of the lyrics, and she’s posting them all over her social media without my knowledge or consent; nor is she crediting me. It was being infringed in a way where she was taking credit for the work that she didn’t do or help with. Someone else did all the work and she took all the credit, but didn’t give any credit to any or all of the contributors like a respectable and responsible music artist should. Which exhibits plagiarism, a prime example. She only contributed a small set or two of partial lyrics, and one full which I helped her revise and edit. I helped rework them, but you’re supposed to credit those that help you edit or revise. Didn’t do that either. She was confronted many times, but I was brushed of and ignored or given a wink and nod.
All of this really started to affect my mental health and it got so bad to the point where it negatively impacted my physical health. I was tired and withdrawn all the time. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and I actively avoided social media, because if I posted and did anything on my own accord without her permission I was hounded over it. I kept quiet and wouldn’t communicate with anyone, because I was so badly drained from it all and it made what I loved the most, music, not fun anymore for a while. She made it to where I couldn’t enjoy things, the things I loved became so unbearable and unenjoyable. I was miserable. I wasn’t happy and it felt like I was in hell while still living. It was like walking on eggshells. I don’t wish that on anybody or anything. Two days prior, we chatted all day about nothing in particular and she wouldn’t let me get off the phone. Literally got disgusted when I said that I needed to go, I had people waiting for me and it would be rude to keep them waiting any longer. It was like how dare I have a life and friends outside of her. I got the cold shoulder for that and when I finally was able to get through, she boasted about taking credit for my work and my lyrics would be thrown out or would control everything. And she’d brag that it was her band, when it wasn’t. It was my band to begin with and she was a guest in the band, then was supposed to be our band. But no, it was my band that I started and she was trying to dictate what I can or can’t do. And she was running around, telling everyone that she was the front woman and the founder when that’s false.
I am the founder and I started my music journey a long time ago. It was only until recent years that I became gung-ho about recruiting people for it. Shortly before that it was a solo music project that I embarked on with the intention of making music I loved and the kind I would have wanted to listen to. I don’t care if a single track or album sells, I just want to share the art I have made with others. And who knows? Someone, somewhere might discover something new to love. That’s the other thing, she’s in the music business for the wrong reasons and it’s just in it for the money. If she was truly serious about making and sharing music, she wouldn’t have wasted my time with nonsense, false hope and promises, and would’ve gone right into working on it with me. She didn’t want to do that. The reason why I didn’t was exactly what happened here. Furthermore, our ideas clashed for how we would sound and our style preferences and influences. My music genre style clashed with hers, and is pretty much it. My influences are all types of metal, darkwave, bat cave, electronic, grunge, new age, nu-metal, post punk, rock, etc. Hers is more on the whiny emo spectrum. It just clashed so badly, which wasn’t going to work. It was a toxic, unhealthy work and creation environment.
I had gotten so tired of the abuse and the toxic, negativity that I decided it was time to walk away and part ways. I came to realize that wasn’t healthy to be in that situation and I did every means necessary to get out of it. I slowly removed access little by little at a time by cutting communication means with them, I slowly reduced contact. I started blocking accounts one at a time, so it wouldn’t be so sudden and be at a gradual pace. The day I ended all communication with her once and for all, I was very tired and drained. Three days of badgering, I thought I could use a break. I figured I said “hey, I’m going to take a break from Facebook for a bit and don’t know when I’d be back,” and it would be fine. Nope. Because, she decided to pick a fight by telling me that when I come back to Facebook I need to talk to her and get her permission before I post anything. “ Message me when you’re ready to come back” And I had to post what I wanted to say in my posts in our group chat so she could filter out what she wanted me to say, and wanted to check to see if I’m not stepping out of line against her. I clearly and bluntly said that I cannot guarantee anything on when or if I message anyone when I come back. I may forget to, because after a long time away I forget to message people. It always happens without fail and I can’t really help that. She didn’t like that and went on fifteen minute texting, blowing up my phone tirade tantrum because she didn’t like my honesty and she wasn’t having her way. I informed her that I don’t need her permission to come back or have to message anyone when I come back. I don’t have to, that’s not a requirement. It’s not in Facebooks policy. And I called her out on it. She tried to guilt me and said that she never said that. She’s right there, but she didn’t have to say it. It says it in a roundabout way, without actually saying it. That went with an “ Oh whatever, bye” from her then left the group chat. She usually does this whenever she doesn’t like what you have to say, have a different opinion, or gets called out. Sometimes she’d do that without warning, just to make others feel guilt for speaking for themselves. It then went to a “ no, don’t block me. I’ll change.” “ I won’t do it again, I swear.” If you say you won’t do it again, then why do you keep repeating the offense? Clearly, you’re not sorry and just using “sorry” as a ticket to keep me trapped in the vicious cycle of abuse longer. Her apologies meant nothing after the same controlling behavior over and over again.
I gave her chance after chance to change and grow up, or as the youngsters say, “ check yourself, before you wreck yourself.`` Still hadn’t changed and the behavior persisted. I gave her plenty of chances to correct her behavior, but still it was my fault she didn’t. The “ you made me do it routine” and “ that didn’t happen, you’re imaging” or better yet “you’re the crazy one not me.” She’d create false scenarios and twist the facts so she could turn them against me and further isolate me all for herself. I concluded that people like her never change and I didn’t need people like that in my life, before that I started cutting ties with toxic relationships and self-destructive habits . If it doesn’t bring me happiness, let it go. If they’re toxic, constantly negative, and trying to drag you down with them, let them go. I decided to keep positive people in my life, who encourage me to go forth with my dreams and to be my best self.
I cared enough about her to let her go, because I figured she has a lot of growing up to do and go her own way. I cared enough to be the bigger person and walk away. I rather venture it alone and be happy, than have toxic people weighing me down and being unhappy. It was the first time in a long time that I put myself first for once, because I usually take care of everyone else’s needs before my own. I’d literally give the shirt off my back for someone if it meant it would help them somehow, someway. I have to be selfish once in a while, so I can take care of my needs and I can be healthy. I blocked her after the dozenth time of declining her calls. I was at my limit of how much shit I could put up up and I had enough, and I finally put my foot down to say no. It signified independence and no, I will not let you or anyone treat me that way. You have no right to treat me like that and that has no room in my life. I simply don’t have time for it. I blocked her and thought that was it. I blocked her email addresses, phone number, and on every social media platform including YouTube.
I figured that going no contact would be for the best, so far it has been for the best and I have been a lot less stressed since. I thought that was the end of it. Boy, was I wrong and that period of serenity screeched to a halt. She made whiny emo lyrics to slander and bitch about me, and pin it all on me. She twisted the facts like she always does. Several people reported it and Facebook took it down. Then she made a new set of accounts to avoid the zuck jail to purposely lurk, stalk, and harass. She’s done this to other people as well, so I’m not the only person she’s done this to. Then it went quiet for months and suddenly out of the blue I got an email notification on twitch. Usually whenever someone follows you there you get an email notification in addition to push notifications. I had already blocked her original account in January, but she made a new account and tried to follow me there. I believe her intention was to stalk and sabotage, or try to message me as if nothing happened and weasel me back into her grip. She assumed that I was stupid and wouldn’t notice, or would’ve forgotten about it. Fortunately, I don’t forget that easily about things like that. I don’t forget who was toxic and abusive toward me, just like I don’t forget who was kind to me. I ended that quickly. I sent her a message calling her out and to leave me alone. I also informed her that if the harassment didn’t stop, I would take legal action with a cease and desist declaration followed by a protection order.
Two days later, someone I knew brought it to my attention that they were slandering me on Twitter because of that. They were mocking the situation and making me out to be the bad guy, because they’re just trying to get a pity party smear campaign against me since she had no access to me anymore and I called her out on her bullshit. She can no longer hurt me or control me, and that bothers her. She’s playing victim, claiming that she’s innocent when I have screenshots that say otherwise. I saved them and archived all of the conversations, just in case. And thinks I’m joking about taking legal action. Then she’s making instigating and hypocritical story posts on Instagram and tiktok, claiming that she cares about mental health and hates toxic people, blah, blah, blah. And turns out she’s been trying to smear me all this time. She’d make a shitty post, then delete it and think that nobody saw it.
That whole seven months, I never said anything about nor did I bring her up. I resumed my life and did my own thing. She’s not my top priority or the first thing on my mind, because there’s more important things in life. I never wished ill. But the fact that she’s wishing me ill and bashing me on a tirade, shows a lot about her character. I’m a big believer in actions speaking louder than words. That’s something I’ve always stood by and always will. Don’t just say you’re a good and trustworthy person, show me. I live in the show me state. Show me. As for what she says, none of it’s credible and unfounded on nothing, but petty drama and attention seeking on her end. She’s all talk, so just let her blow. Let her say what she wants, I just don’t care anymore, but the personal attacks stop here. Let her think what she wants. She thinks she has the upper hand or has one over me, but she doesn’t. I owe her nothing. I don’t have to explain myself or have to say sorry for leaving, nor how I feel. I’m not gonna change my mind or how I think. For those reasons, I fired and cut ties with her.
I don’t advise confronting her, that’ll just make things worse. Please don’t attack her, I don’t condone it. Please keep it civil. At this point, I advise my fans that if she says or does something shitty, report it. That goes for anyone on the web, not just them. If you see something, say something by reporting it. The quicker you do that, the quicker they get held accountable and the platform's response time will be better. I don’t need to see it, as it’s humiliating and upsetting every time I see it. And if you don’t know if something is true, ask me. I’d be happy to answer your questions, if you have any. I have nothing to hide and will tell you like it is. If you’re not sure, ask.
I also ask fans that if you see something that sounds or looks like my writing; screenshot it, report it to the respective platform that you saw it on and bring it to my attention immediately. That also goes for if you see anything suspicious on my pages, because sometimes it’s impossible to catch everything. If you see something, say something. A few weeks ago I had to re-secure my Facebook account because someone tried to hack me. I was lucky to catch it in enough time and took care of it quickly before any damage was done. So if something doesn’t look right, please do not wait or hesitate to get in touch. I will try my absolute best to respond in a timely manner.
Yes, I am aware of what’s going on and I’m trying to work on a peaceful resolution while maintaining no contact with them. Yes, it’s being dealt with and addressed. No, I don't associate with her. We don't claim her. What I’m doing now is researching legal advice to send a certified cease and desist letter, that will have to be signed for by the recipient. Hopefully, that’ll put a stop to the slander, stalking, and harassment. If it doesn’t help and it still persists, then I will look into talking with a lawyer to work out a restraining order and will file formal charges. I don’t want to have to be the bad guy and do that, but if that’s what it takes to make them stop, well so be it. I don’t want to have to resort to that, so hopefully the cease and desist letter will do justice. Gotta do what I Gotta do to protect myself and my sanity. Also, I’m researching ways to further protect my lyrics and my art so nobody steals it, claims that it’s theirs. That way if my work is used without my consent, my art and lyrics are protected then copyright laws will have it taken down. If she tries to claim my work, she won’t be able to.
To put minds at ease, I’m doing okay and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve had a chance to breathe and think, and be mindful of my well-being. Yes, I’m still going to make art and music. Yes, I’m going to do streams again, probably not right away because I’m trying to find a good webcam and get green screen material. And to be honest, I’m still a total noob at the whole streaming thing. Hopefully, I can work something out soon. I would like to thank all of you for being so kind and supportive, being absolutely wonderful people. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have imagined that I’d have such amazing fans that have my back. I’m happy to call you my friends. You guys stuck with me through thick and thin, even though you didn’t have to. I’m utterly grateful beyond words can express, I couldn’t have asked for better people in my inner circle standing with me. I see you everyday being awesome and I love all of you for it. Thank you for bearing with me and sticking around all this time. Hopefully the next update is more cheerful and I have happier things to talk about. Until then…stay spooky!
With love,
Becky aka BeckyBat19 and SchwarzBat19
